gird your loins lad

it's all so fucked up - he wants to ask now how i'm doing because "this is my first veteran's day without my father"  . . um, no.  no it's not.  no, my first veteran's day without my father he (supposedly) didn't realize it was veteran's day and my friend that i thought might be a shoulder to lean on decided that would be a good time to stop talking to me for a reason so speciously stank of bullshit i just can't dignify it.  the bottom line is  . . . well i don't know.  i want to make a grand statement but at the moment the bottom line is that i'm in a lot of pain and tired of being treated like  . . . i don't have a good metaphor for that either.  but like i've always been treated. 

and i don't give much of a fuck if i'm making sense at the moment.  nothing is making sens eto me so why does it have to be clear to you?  if it feels like a kick in the balls to you then we are on reasonably the same page.