I was amazed how off base he was on so many things. like, I knew I didn't want more from him BECAUSE of how he treated his wife. That time he told me about "and I said to her well we could call the whole thing off" or whatever he said. But the tone. The smug joy he got out of repeating "and she said 'no no im not saying that' Someone who does that will donit to anyone and ultimately he did with that bullshit about guilt. I was trying so hard to do something new myself, to not be overly protective of myself. I don't regret it because I have to live with me but I'm sure he gloated over what he perceived as me "backing down." Okay, im lying - I have a little regret. I knew we weren't on the same level integrity wise. So as per usual I got all the relationship bits and not the sex. All I want is the sex. Maybe I should start asking the universe for a love affair and see if I can get properly laid.
Ah shit in your head gets random in the wee hours.
After that? I couldn't stop thinking about how I've never really considered how often I think about things I want to tell my dad.
But then maybe all this is about distracting myself from this trip I don't want to be on.
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